The task was to update my summary that I showed Henry in the office hour and do a "before and after" blog post based on it. So, here it goes.
As you will see, I made quite a few stupid mistakes in my first draft. Firstly, I did not inlcude the name of the director and the title of the video. Secondly, I sometimes used a register that was too familiar. Thus, my summary rather resembled spoken English than written English. Thirdly, I did not divide my summary into paragraphs. Fourthly, I misunderstood two bits of information. In my second draft I tried to correct all of these mistakes and write a better summary. Go see for yourself whether you think it improved or not!
Before:
The video explains the
2008 credit crisis, a worldwide financial fiasco. Originally, institutions,
such as insurance companies, pension, sovereign and mutual funds, lent money.
Lending money allowed investors to buy Treasury Bills at the Federal Reserve
Bank to grow their wealth. After 9/11 and the dot.com crash, however, interest
rates were lowered to only 1%, significantly lowering the return in investments.
Thus, investors stopped investing. However, banks could borrow cheaply and went
crazy with leverage. At this point,
Wall Street had the great idea of connecting investors to homeowners through
mortgages. Homeowners’ mortgages were cut into three slices, called CDO or
collateral debt obligation, which were insurable by a CDS, a credit default
swap. Excessive buying of mortgages resulted in subprime mortgages – mortgages given to less
responsible homeowners. Consequently, more and more people defaulted, turning
the broker’s income into houses which he then put up for sale. Unfortunately,
though, this resulted in a greater supply than demand. Thus, homeowners who
actually could afford their payment chose to leave their house, because the
value of their houses went down, but they still had to pay off their original
debt. Finally, people stopped lending and borrowing money and the financial
system froze.
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TITLE
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After:
The video "The Crisis of Credit Visualised" directed by Jonathan Jarvis explains the 2008 credit crisis, a worldwide financial fiasco. After 9/11 and the dot.com crash the US Federal Reserve lowered interest rates to only 1% to strengthen the economy, significantly lowering the return in investments. Investors thus stopped investing. Banks, however, could borrow cheaply and consequently created considerable leverage. Then, Wall Street connected investors to homeowners through mortgages. Homeowners’ mortgages were cut into three slices (safe, okay and risky), called CDOs or Collateralized Debt Obligations. To make the safe slice even safer, it was insurable by a CDS, a Credit Default Swap. Excessive buying of mortgages eventually resulted in subprime mortgages – mortgages given to less responsible homeowners. Consequently, many people defaulted, turning the broker’s income into houses which he then put up for sale. Unfortunately, though, this resulted in a greater supply than demand. Thus, homeowners who actually could afford their payment chose to leave their house, because the value of their houses decreased, but they still had to pay off their original debt. Finally, people stopped lending and borrowing money, causing homeowners, lenders, investment bankers and investors to go bankrupt. As a result, the financial system froze.
200 WORDS, NOT INCLUDING
TITLE
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